sitting on the edge of the sandbox, biting my tongue

July 31, 2011

Happy Birthday Mr. President: The Top 50 Get-Ups of Michelle Obama, Part 2

Filed under: taste — Tags: , — edge of the sandbox @ 10:11 pm

In my previous post I covered the White House mermaid sensation, white suit makeover and bare arms.  In this installment I’m going to focus on peculiar challenges posed by her body type.

40.  Considering her age and all, Michelle isn’t horribly built.  She’s leggy and tall, and she didn’t accumulate inordinate amounts of flab.  Unfortunately, she’s extremely pear-shaped.  She needs to go with subdued dark colors for her bottoms, empire waist cuts and, to balance out the hips, wide necklines.  She doesn’t have the best of posture (a common problem with tall women), and she toddles when she moves.  5 Hours of ballet a week can do wonders, but in the meantime she needs to steer clear from wearing presumptuous fashions.  Anywhoo, that’s MO failing her long black dress test:

Michelle Obama fashion

October 2010.

Clingy fabric shows off her cascading hips, narrow neckline shrinks her upper body, breast are lost in the jewel color.  For bonus negative points, she dwarfs the ladies to her left.

39.  Back in my wasted youth I came across a Dame Darcy comic about Gothic fashion devotees who’d rob old graves to get Victorian dresses.  This must be the story behind MO’s trim:

obama fashion

June 2010.

False eyelashes do not detract from the fact that the cut and the trim make her look utterly boobless.

38.  Still, this is a significant improvement over the original Pierrot:

Michelle Obama fashion

November 2008.

37.  Updated cover girl Pierrot:

Obama fashion

June 2011.

36.  Forget aged Victorian lace.  Here’s Dear Lady’s attempt at Edwardian squeeze:

flotus

January 2011

Edwardian squeeze, properly executed:

Corset c. 1912

Back to FLOTUS’s famed Red China dress.  Some fashion is created  for runways only.  Maybe some women get away with this, but evidently not Michelle.  I don’t understand why she can’t do better with couture fit — and there is no way it’s not couture fitted.  Suppose the odd scarf was White House’s last minute attempt to fix the back boob.  By the way this is the original kimono-inspired back:

Alexander McQueen

McQueen 2011.

Sleeves (a MO’s no-no, of course) add a nice balance.  Neat.  I’m not sure what was the point of wearing the dress sans Japanese inspiration and sleeveless, and why was the dress chosen in a first place given… well, the Japanese inspiration and the sleeves.  Dear Lady liked the dress but not what was good about it?

That’s by the House of McQueen, by the way.  This is late McQueen’s original creations:

Fall-winter 2009.

No wonder the guy killed himself.  And Michelle, I dare you to wear one of these.

35.  By request of King Shamus I’m going to do a boob belt:

shiny

September 2010.

In my opinion, this is her most problematic boob belt.  Because it’s patterned and shiny, it emphases Mrs. O’s midriff bulge, and it’s the midriff bulge that pushes her belt into the boob area, which has got to hurt.  If she wants a lot of leather in her middle, a custom made waist clincher is  highly recommended for the desirable curve.

This one is a trendy unisex design.  Also, I wonder if she oils her legs.

34.  FLOTUS bump watch.

michelle obama fasfion

December 2010.

I must have stolen this picture from MOTUS a long time ago, and can’t find the post now.

33.  Bandage neckline:

michelle obama fashion

April 2011.

An easy target, I know.

32.  A butterfly boob belt.  Inexplicable blazer and what appears to be ill-fitting pants for a bonus:

November 2009.

31.  Another day, another style, boho in this case.  Who does she think she is, David Bowie?

Michelle O style

February 2011.

You have to forgive the ugly style in this case.  She’s visiting Martha’s Vineyard, the original land of radical chic.

UPDATE: Linked by Political Junkie Mom — Thanks!

UPDATE: #39 is from Obama’s Moscow trip in summer 2009.

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13 Comments »

  1. I hate to be catty but these outfits look like they belong in Dress Barn. Maybe Obama wants everybody to know not to hit on her because who would dressed like that? Reeeooow.

    Comment by Harrison — July 31, 2011 @ 10:53 pm

  2. Remember Fergie’s daughters at The Royal Wedding? There was an international outcry, especially when Beatrice put that ridiculous hat up for auction and it made some $80,000. Well, since then the girls (who are not morons) have hired a professional “dresser-upper”, and darned if Beatrice looked much better in the latest wedding jamboree (in Edinburgh).

    Now, who is telling Michelle that she looks ‘great’?? I hope she comes across this blog, because maybe, just maybe she will get some actual advice as to how to dress. #31 is amazing, by the way.

    Comment by heathermc — August 1, 2011 @ 4:24 pm

    • Harrison, I suspect she did shop at Dress Barn before she chanced upon this FLOTUS gig.

      Heathermc,
      It really is amazing how the princesses turned around. I also like Catherine’s understated style. And God bless her for bringing knee-length pencil skirts back.
      I think part of the problem with Michelle is that she surrounds herself with people who want to kiss her ass, which will come back to hunt her. Also that thing about being the next Jackie. For one, Jackie was twenty years younger…
      A lot of dresses she wears are technically good dresses, it’s just that so many of them don’t do much to her or for some reason they are poorly fitted, and I have no idea how that keeps happening. Plus, she often misjudges the occasion.

      Comment by edge of the sandbox — August 1, 2011 @ 11:38 pm

  3. I think you nailed it, Edge. MoBama has been told so many times that she is a fashionista who looks stunning in any outfit that she believes it.

    The empress does in fact have clothes; they just make her look like hell.

    Comment by KingShamus — August 2, 2011 @ 7:53 am

  4. Other First Ladies were smart enough to have a fashion consultant. It’s clear that Mobama does not.

    Comment by Karen Howes — August 2, 2011 @ 8:38 am

  5. I could have lived a full happy life without knowing there is such a thing as “boob belt.”

    How does she end up looking so awkard so often? She must have an unrealistically positive view of her own figure–caused, like you say, by everyone around her constantly going on about her beauty/style/great arms?

    Comment by nooneofanyimport — August 2, 2011 @ 2:31 pm

  6. King, Karen, Linda,

    I’m sure she has an army of fashion consultants, because I don’t believe she’d refuse them.
    When I worked at Nordstrom’s I’d try to direct customers to something flattering, but what they bought was up to them. I suspect something like that is going on with Mobama’s wardrobe, plus, they flatter her like there is no tomorrow… probably b/c if they don’t there would be no tomorrow at that job. Where did I read it that she has a very high turn over?..

    Comment by edge of the sandbox — August 3, 2011 @ 8:21 am

  7. [...] few days deconstructing the style decisions of America’s First Fashion Victim.  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4 in Edge’s landmark series are up and they’re all good for a laugh [...]

    Pingback by Making Sense Of Michelle My Belle’s Fashion Choices « Blog de KingShamus — August 5, 2011 @ 10:12 am

  8. [...] do a style and fashion feature on a semi-regular basis.  To placate my male readers I will do some silly FLOTUS get ups now and then — not that women are universally opposed to these kinds of [...]

    Pingback by Style and Fashion Pick-Me-Up: Anthropologie Does Eastern Europe « sitting on the edge of the sandbox, biting my tongue — September 22, 2011 @ 5:05 pm

  9. [...] Birthday Mr. President: the Top 50 Get-Ups of Michelle Obama.  Parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and [...]

    Pingback by A Year of Blogging « sitting on the edge of the sandbox, biting my tongue — September 27, 2011 @ 4:17 pm

  10. [...] year ago we celebrated the President’s 50th Birthday with the top 50 get-ups of Michelle Obama.  Since Barack Obama held yet another Birthday fundraiser yesterday, I [...]

    Pingback by Happy Birthday Mr President One Year Later « sitting on the edge of the sandbox, biting my tongue — August 5, 2012 @ 10:24 am

  11. [...] Obama’s inaugural get-ups weren’t at their eye-popping best.  And yet in her usual display of opulence FLOTUS 44 went through something like [...]

    Pingback by Wanted: Humanoid First Lady « sitting on the edge of the sandbox, biting my tongue — January 23, 2013 @ 10:35 am

  12. [...] Obama’s inaugural get-ups weren’t attheireye-poppingbest.  And yet in her usual display of opulence FLOTUS 44 went through something like [...]

    Pingback by Canto Talk: Sitting On The Edge of the Sandbox, Biting My Tongue « Temple of Mut — February 6, 2013 @ 8:12 am


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